C'est La Vie
by KubotaGirl91
Summary: It's five years after graduating high school and Spinelli reflects on the life she lived, the friendships she lost, but a family she gained at the same time. Why did everyone leave when she needed them most? Rated for implication of sexual content and language (no sexual content is written, just the implication that something happened)
1. Intro

Many people say that after high school, not a lot will change, but at the same time, everything changes. People change, places change, even you change although you might not think you do. Many stories you read are about love and heartbreak. Of friendship and lovers who've known each other through high school, but no one tells you what happens after the fairy tale "happily ever after" when high school ends. No one tells you how getting a job during the recession can bring your self esteem lower than dirt. No one tells you that not everyone marries their high school sweetheart. And they definitely never touch base with how your parent's don't want a free-loading leache in their house anymore.

I'm here to tell you that not everything you read is true, at least, not everything they let you think happens is true. The thing about life, is not everyone lives the same life. I'm here to share my story. My story about how I fell in love with a wonderful man who would do anything to make me happy. A story about how we drifted apart after high school and was shoved into the real world. This is about my struggles in this shit hole called life, and its only been five years since I've been out and how I wish with every fiber of my being that I could go back and do things differently.

* * *

><p>My story starts back in 2009, Senior year in high school. Life was so hard, family was a bother and no one understood me…us, I mean. In elementary and middle school I was known as a bully. I kicked anyone's ass if they stood in my way or hurt any of my friends. When I got to high school, things changed; I changed. I grew these things called feelings and hormones. I guess I couldn't avoid them forever. It's kind of like a science thing. I became less aggressive towards people and focused my anger in arts. I got more into my appearance than I would have liked, you know, brushing my hair and making sure I look decent. I even fell in love a few times, but hey, I'm only 18, what do I know about love. I kept the same friends I've had since the single digit days, and I was so sure nothing would change that.<p>

Seven days until graduation, and what are we doing to celebrate? Parties? Shopping? Planning for an amazing last summer with each other? Nope. We're studying our asses off. Finals for the Seniors are in two days and if we don't pass, we don't graduate. My friends and I are sitting in my bedroom, each of us with our own subject to crunch.

Mikey has a biology book and chemistry book laid out side by side on my bed. Mikey was never good with science. He was more of the creationist, everything happens for a reason, kind of guy. But he took the science classes anyway to have a better understanding of the outside world, even though his parents didn't approve.

Vince was smart and didn't have to worry too hard about passing his classes. He was already going to college on a basketball scholarship so he doesn't need to worry about getting accepted anywhere except state. But he had his statistics book out anyway, studying ratios and what-nots at my computer desk.

Gretchen was going over flashcards with me for German and French class. Taking two language classes weren't too hard, but I keep mixing up the words between the two of them. Gretchen is smart as smart can be. But she doesn't look like it any more. Back in the day, she was nerdy with large glasses and wore braces for four years. Now shes filled out, changed her glasses to look more sophisticated and wears the highest fashion.

TJ and Gus were studying for AP US History, cramming for the names of presidents and state capitals. Gus always found that the history of our country is the most important subject in school. Being a war nut can do that to a person. He plans in following in his step-dads foot steps and joining the army and hoping to become a general someday. TJ isn't even focusing. He keeps glancing at me from his notes and smiling with the boyish grin.

We've been doing this study group tactic for about two weeks now and I'm sure TJ learned nothing from it.

A knock on my bedroom door broke the concentration of the majority of us. The door creaked open and my little brother Sebastian's head popped in.

"Ash, mom says it's almost dinner time. She set the table for all of you." He squeaked. Being 12 years younger than me apparently makes me and my friends intimidating.

"Thanks Seb. Tell mom that we'll be down in fifteen." I respond, putting down a flashcard.

Sebastian scampers off down the stairs. Everyone sighs and starts shuffling around.

"Good studying guys!" Gretchen comments encouragingly. Easy for her to say. She got accepted into MIT next year. Everyone booked marked their chapters with their notes and stood up to stretch.

They started filing out of the room to go down to dinner, leaving me alone with TJ. He pulls me into a big, warm hug and kisses my forehead.

"I love you Spin." He whispers into the beanie I'm wearing.

"I love you too TJ," I said back, looking up into his deep brown eyes. He smiles and plants a kiss on my lips, sending butterflies throughout my insides.

I pull away and drag him out of the room and down stairs where Mom's home cooking awaited us.

* * *

><p>"How was the studying?" My mother asked, serving everyone a plate. It was a full house under the Spinelli roof, except my dad who's in Japan on business.<p>

TJ groaned at my mom's question and shoveled a spoon full of corn in his mouth in order to not fully answer her. Gretchen started rambling on about how well we're doing with our studying and that the more we study the same thing, the longer it will stay with us. Then again, I'm not sure when speaking German will come into play later in life, yet it's a requirement for graduating. French is just for fun.

"How lovely," Mother said, smiling her perfect mother smile at us.

It wasn't until the following year that I made the realization that worrying about my studies and stressing over tests was nothing compared to the real world.


	2. Pushed Over

The day of the finals started with my alarm going off an hour later than usual. I frantically rush out of bed and throw on the nearest outfit I could find; a pair of shorts, a basic gray t-shirt, and a head band to keep my hair out of my eyes.

"Ashley, are you still in bed? You're going to be late for school. Again!" I heard Mom yell from outside my door,

_Crap, I wanted a shower..._

"I'm leaving now, mom! Just... had a... late start," I replied, running around my shambled room looking for my notes and books.

"TJ's here for you sweetheart. I guess he assumed you'd be running late today."

I perked up. Nothing brightens my day more than my best friend and boyfriend.

I hoped out my bedroom door while putting on my boots and see TJ standing by the stairs, talking with my mom about something. He must have heard me approach because he looked right up at me and smiled.

"Rise and shine princess." He winked.

I felt like shit. I probably smelt like shit and yet, he still smiles at me like I'm number one. This boy changed me. He stole my anger and replaced it with affection. Not many people can do that. As far as I know, he's the only one who can do that to me.

"Lets go," I mumbled, taking his hand and dragging him out the door. "I can't believe I'm gonna be late for school..."

"We'll be fine hun,"

I checked my watch. I had twenty minutes to be at my first final. I really wanted to shower this morning, but oh well. I climbed into TJ's truck and popped in our CD containing ACDC, Metallica and Zeppelin. Nothing like classic rock to get me in the mood of finals. TJ rolls down the windows and pulls out of the drive way. The whole way to school, no words were said, only the sounds of James Hetfield.

We pulled into the school parking lot. TJ turned the engine off and turned to face me.

"Can you believe we made it this far?" He asked, grabbing my hand.

I gave him a weak smile. I had a bad feeling about anything that happens from this moment on. Something was nagging at the back of my head. Nothing will ever be the same after today. We will find out if we graduate. We will all move on to college and work. No one will ever have time for me except TJ. But isn't that all that matters? Being with the one that I love? Isn't that what anyone needs?

I push the feeling to the back of my head and make a mental note to push it out forever. All I need is TJ.

We stepped out of the truck and headed for the school. None of our friends were waiting for us like usual. They all must be taking their tests already. I sighed, gripping TJ's hand harder.

"You'll be okay Sugar," He reassured me. I smiled at the nick-name. He started calling me that a week after we started dating; always told me I tougher than the taste of sugar.

"I know..." I mumbled. We made it to the front doors and kissed good-bye until lunch.

Sprinting to my class, I made it with four minutes to spare, using that time to get my notes out. Luckily this was final where I was allowed to use old homework on the test. _Easy as pie. _I smiled to myself.

"Alright class, you know the rules. No talking until the first break that will be in twenty minutes. During the break, you may have a light snack to fuel your brains back up again. After that, it'll be another forty minutes of test taking. Once the bell rings, that's it. There are no retakes, there is no extra credit. This is your chance Seniors. Make me proud." Mrs. Hannegan told us, passing out the test.

Okay, no pressure.

* * *

><p>I felt dead.<p>

Literally dead.

"Is...is my brain oozing from my ears?" Vince's mumbled with his face resting on the lunch table.

We all looked beat and over whelmed. We're nearly done with this and yet if feels like we just started. Tomorrow we find out if we graduate or not and I feel like my nerves are shooting out my eyes. Gretchen was the only one not freaking out. Her straight brown hair was resting with ease on her shoulders and had freshly done highlights making it feel more like summer than it really was. She was typing viciously on her phone about something or other.

Classes were over for the most part, so we were just spending the last few periods we had with each other in the lunchroom, deflating our brains.

"I can't tell you guys how happy I am that we're done with this." TJ said, looking up from his hands. I was resting my head on his shoulders when the thought came back up. How have they not realized that we will never be the same? Maybe they think we'll just stay in contact for the rest of our lives.

I had a sudden mental image of us all in our nineties sitting in a retirement home grumbling about the old days, or what left we could remember of them. I chuckled on the inside at the thought.

No, that's an impossible outcome. Maybe they just don't care... Oh god... What if they don't care about our friendship? TJ and I will grow old together... alone. Gretchen will become a computer engineer. Vince will be an MBA player and retire to a mansion in Beverly Hills. Mikey will go on to Broadway and retire to a lovely cabin in Canada with his wife and cat and write a biography on his life. Gus will join the army like his father always wanted for him and we will never hear of him again. They all have their dreams and aspirations and will forget all about me and TJ.

My head went into a spiral and I started to feel sick and dizzy.

"Spin, are you okay?" I heard Gretchen's voice but instead of sitting in front of me, she was upside down. Oh god, I'm putting myself into a spell...


	3. Last Chance

My head was throbbing and my throat was dry. I kept my eyes closed and shielded from the florescent lighting. A groan escaped my lips.

"Spin?"

"Ashley?!"

TJ and my mom were close. I felt Mom's hand on my shoulder. I slowly open my eyes and find myself in the nurses office of the school. TJ was standing behind my mom who was sitting in the chair next to me. I tried to sit up but got dizzy and nauseous.

"Take it easy honey," Mom soothed.

"What happened?" I mumbled, slowly sitting up, making sure I don't vomit everywhere.

"We were talking about finals when you passed out. You hit your head on the table behind you when you fell." TJ said, stepping closer. "The tests must have done a number on you to make you faint like that." His voice had concern tethered into it.

"Well, no concussion," The nurse said, walking into the room. "But you need to take the next few days easy. No sports, no driving heavy machinery, and make sure to watch your step at graduation. Those gowns can do some damage if you step wrong." She explained, scribbling notes onto her clipboard.

"What time is it?" I asked, grabbing TJ's wrist to look at his watch. 4:32pm. Oh. My. God. I missed my psychology final! I started breathing fast.

"Ashley, are you okay sweetie?" Mom asked, grabbing my hand.

"I missed," inhale. "A final!" Exhale. I started to get dizzy. I was actually excited to graduate, mostly because not a lot of people believed that I would. I was such a trouble maker in the old days, most people assumed I would drop out and join a fight club. And if I missed a final, I don't graduate.

"Don't worry Miss Spinelli, I already contacted Mr. Harper on your condition. You can take the final now if you're up to it or tomorrow during free period." The nurse said, looking over at me.

I started to feel better. I don't know what was up with me and these anxiety attacks, but it's getting really frustrating.

* * *

><p>I scheduled a retake with Mr. Harper on my psych essay before school the next morning. I took my own car this time to let TJ sleep in before school. The test was simple, mostly me giving a persuasive essay on diagnosing a mental patient for insanity, being the reason why she robbed four banks and murdered twelve people. Mr. Harper said I had the makings of a good defense attorney but I really can't see myself wearing suits every day and attending meetings. Besides, being a lawyer can be dangerous. You typically jump onto the head hunt list for defending a murderer.<p>

I finished the test and handed it to Mr. Harper.

"Miss Spinelli, may I have a word before you head to breakfast?" He asked. I stopped at the door and turned. Mr. Harper was a young teacher, maybe late twenties. A lot of the girls in school had a crush on him. He had shoulder-length brown hair and was very tan, like he lived in California or New Mexico, and because of the tan, it made his blue eyes look like crystal orbs. Very handsome. Not my type.

I approached his desk.

"Yes, sir?" I brushed my bangs out of my eyes.

"I can already tell by how dedicated you were at taking your final, that you will get a passing grade,"

I smiled. He has always been so nice to me.

"I've known you since freshman year when I had you in my orientation class. You were wound up, up-tight, spunky and rambunctious."

I looked down, suddenly feeling ashamed for putting him and my other teachers through the chaos that I reigned.

"But I also watched you grow and blossom into a smart and well-respected young woman. I don't mean to step over any lines, but I am very, very proud of you."

A smile formed on my face. I could feel my cheeks flush with slight embarrassment.

"Thank you sir."

"Be sure to see me before leaving forever, ya hear?" He gave me a wink. I turned on my heal and headed out to the hallway.

_"Leaving forever"_? Why couldn't I stay young and in the same spot forever? Never say good-bye. Never watch anyone leave. Why couldn't this moving on thing be easier to swallow?

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was popping by classrooms and picking up our final grades and stopping by the library and dropping off our books.<p>

"I thought I would never miss these old hallways..." TJ said, taking my hand as we headed to our last class of the day. I started to feel sick again.

We finished our rounds and headed outside. The sun was shining high above our heads. Our friends were sitting around a bench under a tree outside the school by the football field. Gus and Mikey were in a deep conversation about something. Vince had a basket ball spinning on his finger and was blowing bubbled with his gum. Gretchen was laying on top of the table mumbling about science-something-something-chemistry.

"Hey guys," TJ and I said.

They greeted us with smiles and hellos as we sat down. We talked about the finals, how well we did and about graduation. Looks like we all made it. The final leap into the big world beyond high school. All we need to do now is make it to the ceremony.


	4. The Big Finale

This was it. The sun was shining high, the sky blue and clear. This was suppose to be the second happiest day of my life, maybe third... kids... marriage... graduation... yeah, that sounds right. Today was suppose to be the third happiest moment of my life and do I feel happy? No. I feel awful. I want to go back. I want to relive the best experiences of my life. Like the day me and my friends met back in kindergarten. Or all the summers we spent camping over night in TJ's backyard. Or the time TJ told me he liked me, even loved me. Our first date, first kiss, first everything happened while we attended these classrooms. Why would anyone be excited to leave that behind.

_Because Ashley, everyone needs to move forward in life, create new experiences. Grow. Up._

My heart sank. The voice in my head was right. I needed to move on. If I stayed a high school student forever, how was I suppose to have kids? Get married? Have grandkids?

_You couldn't, now shush, they're about to say your name!_

"Connie Spanger..." Applause. "Ashley Spinelli..." I take a step up the stage and breathe in. My principal, vice principal and super intendant along with the senior teachers were standing in a line ready to shake my hand. I took the scroll and gripped hands with every single teacher and headed for the edge of the stage where, right before you leave, someone takes your picture.

I headed back to my seat and waited for the rest of the seniors to have their name called. I looked around. Most girls were crying and holding each other and most guys were messing around, flipping off their caps and joking about. I looked ahead of me and staring right back at me was TJ, a few rows ahead. He gave me a wink and turned back around. I sighed. Why am I not happy?

* * *

><p>"Oh Ashley! We are so proud of you!" My mom comes squealing from the crowd when the ceremony finally finished.<p>

I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks mom. I just wish dad was here," I said.

"Oh, but he is sweetie, look." Mom pulled out her tablet and held it up to me. On the screen was a tan, pudgy black bearded man with soft, teary eyes.

"Hey sport," came my dads voice.

Ok, here come the water works. I couldn't hold it in anymore. My chest got tight and I couldn't control the tears.

"Daddy," I started crying. "I'm so glad you were able to see me graduate."

"Me too Sweet Pea. You look so beautiful."

"Thanks dad."

"Hey Spin, Gretchen wants a picture of us- Oh, hey Mr. and Mrs. Spinelli. So nice to see the both of you," TJ looked down at the tablet and smiled.

"Mr. Detweiler, it's nice to see you again as well. Are you taking care of my baby girl?"

"Yes sir, just as you asked me." TJ put his arm around my should and pulled me into a hug.

"Thanks for showing up dad, but Gretchen needs her pictures," I smiled and waved good-bye.

The crew was standing under a tree chatting and laughing. When we walked up, Gretchen squealed in excitement.

"Come on! I need a picture of all of us!" She grabbed my wrist and dragged me into the circle.

"OK Mom, we're ready." Gus handed his mom his camera. We all shuffled into a group and faced Mrs. Griswald.

"Ok kids, smile!"

Flash!

The picture was taken and we all laughed.

"What are you going to do Ashley?" Mr. Griswald asked. I turned and smiled. "Now that you're graduated an' all."

"I'm going to go to the community college and start a degree in animation." I replied. It was my hidden talent.

"Oh, well, that's a shame. A tough girl like you would do fantastic in the military, just like Gus here," He slaps Gus on the back and he exhales loudly.

"Thank you sir." Gus breathed.

I sighed. No one wanted me to go to school for art except TJ. He was so supportive. But everyone else expected me to do more. Maybe I will, so what if I don't?

TJ grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

"It's okay Spin, don't listen to him." He assured me.

I nodded and gave him a kiss. A flash filled our faces. Standing in front of us was Gus with a goofy grin and his camera in his hands.

"Smooth." TJ joked and chased after him.

"Don't rip your gown! It's a rental!" I yelled after them. They just laughed and kept running. I checked my watch for the time. Only a few hours until the graduation party at Vince's house. Maybe I should get home to change into a more... fitting outfit.

* * *

><p>The whole senior class was in Vince's backyard. Someone managed to sneak in some kegs in the bushes so under-aged teenagers were getting drunk from left to right. Everyone was doing their own thing, drinking, gambling, smoking, getting high, messing around. The four Ashley's were standing around the pool in their bikinis giggling about something when someone ran up to them and pulled them into the pool. Ashley A., the leader of the group, giggled with flirty delight. Ashley Q. on the other hand growled with frustration and kept mumbling about how it took her 5 hours, 4 hair stylists and $1,200 of daddy's money to get her hair perfect.<p>

I scuffed and turned to the tiki bar where Vince was standing with a red Solo cup.

"Can you believe it? My parents had to leave right after the ceremony to my brothers graduation in New York tomorrow." He chugged the rest of his beer. "I get the whole house for a week!" He smiled widely.

"Randall, one more, and one for the lady." He leaned on the counter.

"What'll it be Miss Spinelli," Randall popped up from under the counter. His what once was curly red hair, was straight and fell just past his eye brows. He still had that weasel looking face that always made him untrusting.

"Bud please." I said. He handed me my own red Solo cup and I chugged it down. Nothing more refreshing than a good, cold beer.

I suddenly felt sick. I slammed the cup down and looked at Randall.

"What the hell did you do to my drink?" I demanded. I leaned over, thinking I was about to throw up, but nothing happened.

"Nothing, I swear!" Randall pleaded. I believed him, after all, I watched him fill my cup and didn't see him put anything in it.

I groaned loudly.

"Get... TJ..." A sharp pain stabbed my gut. It was worse than cramps, I knew that for sure. It was a pain I had never felt before. I fell over onto the ground groaning.

"Spin, Sweetheart, what's wrong?" TJ was by my side, slowly and carefully, pulling me into his arms.

"I hurt," I was gripping my stomach, afraid that if I let go, my insides would come out. My vision started getting blurry and my words turned into gibberish.

"Don't worry, I got y-"

I don't remember anything after that, at least, not until I woke up in the hospital.


	5. Blind Side

I sat on a park bench in what looked like Central Park, New York. It had to have been December because snow was falling hard. The night sky engulfed the air around me, like I was inhaling darkness. I looked down at my mitten-covered hands, snow flakes perching themselves lightly on my fingers. I felt so good, though, so cold. A smile curled on my lips as I closed my eyes.

When I opened them, chaos was swirling around me like the flurries of the snow flakes.

"We need an IV in her, stat!" A woman yelled next to me. A man rushed over, prepping a needle. He looked down at me and noticed the panic in my eyes.

"She's conscious!" He yelled back to the woman. He bent down and got close to my face. "Everything is okay miss, we're taking care of you now."

_Taking care of me? _Pain punched me in the gut and I screamed in pain.

"Miss, you'll be okay, we're almost at the hospital." The IV was in my arm and what ever pain medication they were giving me kicked in. My stomach pain dulled and I slowed my breathing down. "Medication has kicked in," He informed the head medic. "Miss, on a scale of one to ten, how is your pain?"

I wanted to punch him in the gut with my brass knuckles and ask him about his pain, but decided against it.

"Eight," I replied. "But going down. Thanks."

We pulled into the hospital and they wheeled me into the ER where I underwent CAT scans.

"Are you or have you been pregnant?" The nurse asked.

"Um, no and no." I said, lying in bed.

"Okay, I'm going to do a quick ultra sound to see if we can find anything. If not, we'll have to wait for the CAT scan results to come in and see closer at what we're dealing with."

I exhaled loudly. The nurse pulled up my gown and oozed gel onto my stomach. She turned on her machine and put the ultra sound scanner on the goo. She moved it around and took not of what ever she did or did not see, mumbling some medical mumbo jumbo and saying 'hm' a lot. After about fifteen minutes of machine noise and humming, she printed off the papers and needed, cleaned off my stomach and said she would be right back with my family.

I laid in bed in silence, just thinking about stuff. A knock on the door broke my thoughts. TJ and my mom walked through the door and an overwhelming sensation of emotion hit me like a sack of bricks. I started sobbing when TJ rushed to my side and embraced me. Mom came running up and we all stayed in our small group hug for as long as we could while I cried like a child.

"What did they say?" My mom asked, pulling away.

I shrugged. "Not much. We did a CAT scan and an ultra sound but they didn't tell me anything yet."

"It could be kidney stones," Mom said, folding her arms. "It runs in the family. Kidney problems."

TJ ruffled my hair and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "You'll be okay Sugar," He said. "You're mom's right, it's probably just kidney stones or just really bad gas." He winked. I punched him in the arm and we laughed.

Another knock on the door and my doctor came in. She was tall with long brown hair. I wondered if that's what Gretchen would look like if she pursued being a doctor.

"Miss Spinelli, I'm Dr. Marshall," She said, picking up my chart. Mom and TJ sit down in the guest chairs while the doctor pulls up her chair.

"Am I going to be okay?" I asked off the bat. No need to beat around the bush.

"Well, I just wanted to ask if you've been having these pains before?"

"No, but I have been getting dizzy a lot and nauseous. But I thought it was the stress of graduating."

"Yes, well, congratulations on that, by the way. They were affects of stress, but not from school."

"Well, what then?" Mom asked.

"May I speak to Ashley alone?" The doctor asked, looking uncomfortable.

"But I'm her mother!" Mom protested.

"And Ashley is eighteen, a grown adult. This might be something she needs to talk to me about alone, then consult her loved ones. Please."

"Ashley, what do you want?" Mom and the doctor both look at me.

"I want Mom and TJ here. Please." I said.

"Okay. The results of the ultra sound confirm our medical suspicions that your... pregnant." Dr. Marshall said the word like it was voodoo.

I felt like my heart stopped. I can't be pregnant. I mean, TJ and I always worked to stay safe for these reasons. I'm even taking birth control!

"She's... what?" TJ breathed.

The room was quiet. No one knew what else to say.

* * *

><p>Back home, I was laying in bed thinking. I asked the doctor why I didn't get morning sickness or anything. She told me that pregnancy affects people differently and not everyone get's the same symptoms. She told me some woman get no symptoms and find out their pregnant when the end up going into labor.<p>

I rolled onto my back when a knock came to my door.

"Come in," I said.

"Ashley, I wanted to talk to you, mother to daughter," Mom said, stepping into my room.

"Mom-"

"Look, I'm not mad, just, a little disappointed. But we're here for you,"

I sat up and looked at her.

"'We're'? Did you... talk to dad?"

Mom looked down at her hands and sat on the end of the bed.

"I had to tell him sweetie,"

I felt heart broken. Why would she go and tell Dad without talking to me first? We could have done it together... in person!

"Please leave me alone," I whispered, curling into a ball on my bed.

Mom didn't say anything after that and left, leaving me to cry softly.


	6. The Other Way

My dad came home from his trip and spent most of my time standing outside my bedroom door with his head on the wall. I can't imagine what this is doing to him. Worst of all, I bed he can't imagine what this is doing to me. I haven't left my room in six days except to use the bathroom. TJ's been over a few times to check up on me, but I would have Mom send him away. I also had to turn my cell phone off because it seemed like every five seconds, I would get a new text message or voicemail. I just can't handle talking to people yet.

Today, day seven of my isolation, I'm sprawled out on my bed, Iron Maiden pumping through my speakers, with pamphlets laid out in front of me. The doctor said I had many options, and because I'm legally an adult, I can make any decision I feel is safest for me. I organized the information into categories; closed adoption, open adoption, abortion, and keeping the baby. I've been weighing my options for the past week and it gets harder and harder each time I think about it. I pulled out my organized list of pro's and con's for each situation and I started to cry. Deciding is so hard and frustrating. But it all came down to one thing and one thing only; I don't think I would have the balls to give up something that is apart of me. I volunteered for a teen outreach program in early high school, promoting safe sex and healthy relationships. I've helped a lot of people and educated myself as well. Medically speaking, my baby is pretty much a parasite feeding off of me until the third trimester when the brain and heart develop (which then would be illegal to perform an abortion).

There's only one thing I can do. I need to keep this baby, this... parasite.

I grabbed my phone off of the night stand and turned it on. I needed TJ. Now.

* * *

><p>We sat on the floor, hand in hand. TJ looked like he hadn't slept in days. His eyes were dark and sunken in and his hair was dirty and matted. He probably hasn't showered in a few days either.<p>

"So, what are we doing?" His voice was cracked and horse, like he had been crying.

"I-I've decided to keep it." I looked down at my lap, ready for him to freak out on me. Instead, he tackled me in a hug.

"Thank God!" He whispered into my hair. "I was so worried you'd decide to get rid of it. I mean, I would support you in anything, but, I mean, I couldn't stand what it would do to you."

And keeping it is better than getting rid of it? This shouldn't have happened in the first place.

"Ya," was all I could say.

TJ kissed my cheek and pulled away.

"So... Now what?" He asked.

"I need to schedule doctor appointments, figure out how far along I am and I guess look for a job."

I didn't want to ask the one question nagging at the back of my head. Will TJ stay with me when the baby is born?

"We'll both get jobs. My uncle works in construction. With my shop experience at school, I should do just fine. It's fifteen an hour, so if I save up, we could get a place together."

A thought came to mind.

"Will we... get married?" The word sounded foreign on my tongue like it didn't belong. But I didn't know if it was something he ever wanted. I honestly don't care.

"If that's what you want, I mean, we don't have to."

"I mean, it's not important to me, but I personally don't want my baby growing up without their parents being married."

"Then it's settled," TJ stood up, grabbing my hands and pulling me up too. He walked to my old 90's style TV and pulled some foil off the antenna. When he turned back around, he had a big smile on his face. He bent down on one knee and held my left hand. "Ashley Spinelli, I love you with all of my heart and I hope you do as well. I want us to be a beautiful family, together. Will you marry me?" He presented the foil in the shape of a ring.

"Yes." I smiled, getting teary eyed. TJ put the ring on my finger and kissed it.

"A baby and a wedding?! You two are going to be so busy!" My mom burst through my door, latched onto our arms and pulled us into a hug. "I'm so proud of the both of you, taking on this kind of responsibility."

It seemed like an entire life time just happened in a matter of a week. I'm pregnant, engaged, and looking for a job. When people said that you grow up too fast, I never realized how fast they meant. Now I do, and I don't like it.


	7. Baby Date

A few months have passed since TJ and I found out that we were expecting. We told our friends and their reaction was not what we expected.

"Are you kidding? What about your future? Your plans?" Gretchen stormed around my room, fists clenched.

"Hey, it's not like I planned this! Give me a break." I flopped on the bed. Gretchen stopped moving and turned to me.

"You were going to go to school for art. Become a cartoonist, maybe even work for Disney."

"Like it matters," I mumbled, mostly to myself.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"I mean, it doesn't matter. Everything I've ever wanted is being ripped from me and no one else seems to notice." Oh boy, did I start something I shouldn't have.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Gretchen slapped my leg. Now I'm mad. I sit up and glare at her.

"You're leaving next month to Massachusetts! Gus is being shipped off to boot camp, again. Vince already left for school two weeks ago and God knows where Mikey is going to end up." I sighed, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with emotion. "I'm losing everything that I care about and it seems like I'm the only one that realizes nothing will ever be the same, that we will never stay friends forever." Tears flowed down my face. Everything was out in the open, cards on the table. I finally opened up and it didn't make me feel better, in fact, I felt worse. Gretchen's arms wrapped around my body and I cried harder. "All I have now is TJ and this baby," I sobbed into her shoulder. Gretchen stroked my hair and held me closer.

"It's okay Honey. It'll all work out, you'll be okay. I'm sorry for what I said. Everything will be fine."

We probably sat in my room like that for a good hour while I let all of my bent up emotions out in the open. When I finally calmed down, we decided to have a girls night, just the two of use before she leaves next month. We ordered the biggest cheese pizza the local pizza spot had, bought soda and energy drinks. Gretchen called up her cousin who works at the local candy shop and hooked us up with some good chocolate. We sat around my bedroom, eating junk food and watching classic black and white films, like Rear Window the original and Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. We put ourselves into a sugar-coma by five in the morning.

* * *

><p>"Ashley? Hey Ashley-" Two little hands pressed against my face and squished my cheeks together. "Ashley, wake up."<p>

I opened my eyes and all I saw was a small face, Sebastian's face.

"What is it, Little Man?" I yawned.

"TJ's here for you. He gave me these!" He shoved some cards into my face. Pokémon cards to be precise.

"That's nice, send him up please." I yawned again and rolled over.

Seb scampered off out of my room. I stretched and rolled back over, noticing Gretchen had already left. Jesus, what time is it?

"It's three in the afternoon," TJ said, like he was reading my mind. He walked through my door and sat on the edge of my bed and kissed me on the cheek. "You look hungover."

"Lot's of candy and good old classic films," I chuckled while sitting up. "What are you doing here?"

He looked at me like I had lost my marbles. "We have the ultra sound today to find out the due date."

I slapped my forehead like I was an idiot. "How could I have forgotten?!" I slumped out of bed and walked over to my closet. I pulled out a nice oversized gray T-shirt and a pair of black leggings. "Now get out of my room so I can change," I walked over to him and pushed him out the door and closed it. I changed my clothes and threw my dark hair into a matted bun, being too lazy to actually brush it. I pulled my boots onto my feet and grabbed my tote with all of my medical information inside for the OBGYN.

"Are you ready yet? Jeez, you're such a girl!" TJ whined when I opened the door.

"Shut up," I rolled my eyes and headed down the stairs.

"Ashley, are you sure you don't need me there?" My mom asked, stepping from the kitchen. Her face was covered in flour which meant she's baking cookies with Sebastian.

"No, it'll be fine. When we schedule for the sex ultra sound, I'll have you come with." I smiled and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"Okay, call if you need me." She gave both me and TJ hugs and went back into the kitchen.

* * *

><p>"Is this your first time?" A woman who was seating across from me smiled. She looked about thirty or forty with extremely short blonde hair.<p>

"Um, yes." I coughed. There's something about complete strangers talking to me that always makes me uncomfortable. TJ grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"You'll do fine, just sit back and let the nurse do her thing. I'm on my sixth child right now, the oldest is seventeen, at home taking care of the other four while I'm here. It's kind of like a mini vacation, coming to the doctors without any screaming kids, or having my hair pulled or cooking and cleaning non stop, because all they do is make a mess and when one mess get's cleaned, another one is made, its non stop, go, go, go with kids, whether you have one, two our six..." She just kept going on and on about children. I suddenly felt sick. I was about to just say forget it, lets make it a surprise, and leave, when the door opened and the nurse called my name.

"Thank God," TJ mumbled under his breath as we got up.

The nurse took us to a back room and set me up in the chair. She ran over the same procedures as when I went to the ER, the pulling up my shirt, the gel, the cool sounding machine. TJ sat next to me, holding my hand.

"See that, there's your baby," the nurse pointed to a splotch on the screen. "Now, according to your charts, you're unsure of when your last period was, why is that?"

"I take birth control, sometimes I get my period, some times I don't." I explained.

"Well, by the looks of it, you're about three, almost four months into your pregnancy."

"Why haven't I gotten any bigger?"

"The baby is growing, but sometimes they position themselves in a way that won't stick out. Coming up on the sixth or seventh month will you see a big difference in weight and belly size." The nurse said. She paused the screen and clicked some buttons. "I'll just print this out for you. By the looks of things, you'll be due by mid to late December. Now, in about a month and a half, we can find out the gender of the baby. Would you like to set that appointment up?"

"Yes,"  
>"Yes," TJ and I both said.<p>

The nurse cleaned me up and walked us to the reception desk where we made the appointment for the gender, on September 29th.


	8. Easier Times

It finally happened. A wave of extreme emotion filled my gut and I threw up. I've been sitting on the bathroom floor for fifteen minutes at the air port, Gretchen standing over me, holding my hair. I started crying. I was feeling so many things and none of them were happy and they were so overwhelming that I couldn't keep my lunch down.

"Spin, if we hold off any longer, I'm going to miss my flight," Gretchen sighed.

I coughed into the toilet and sat up. Gretchen handed me some toilet paper and I wiped my mouth.

"Mint?" She offered a small round tin of mints.

"Thanks," I took one and popped it in my mouth. "Sorry, it's just, you're the last one..."

"Spinelli, stop. This whole thing has to stop. We all know last year would be the last normal year for us. We all agreed we wouldn't change too much, but we need to grow up. We're adults, you're having a baby and getting married. Out of all of us who needs to grow up, it's you. And you should be damn lucky TJ is such an amazing guy. Not everyone will stay with their girls when they find out they're pregnant. Don't take him for granted." Gretchen turned in the stall and left, leaving me on the bathroom floor.

Her words were like a slap to the face. Grow up? Don't take TJ for granted? And then leave me here?! I couldn't control my feelings. Everyone has left and I'm stuck in this Podunk town with a baby that I'm not sure how I'm going to pay for.

I left the bathroom and found Gretchen with TJ by the security line. Thanks to 911, TJ and I can't go further than here without a plane ticket.

"Wish me luck," Gretchen grinned. She hoisted her backpack over her shoulder and gave me a quick hug and turned to get in line. That was it.

* * *

><p>"We got into an argument," I said quietly in the truck on our way back home. TJ glanced in my direction and then back to the road.<p>

"About what?"

"Nothing important. It was stupid." I held my hands on my stomach where a nice sized pudgy shape started to form.

"Call her when she lands. If it was nothing, it'll be like you guys never fought." TJ patted my leg and gave me a smile. We drove for two more hours in silence.

* * *

><p>When I got home, I laid on my bed and turned on the TV. I only got local channels so I switched on the news, maybe something interesting happened. Maybe something...good?<p>

"-and we follow with a tragic breaking story here of Fox News," The anchor woman sitting at her desk on my TV seemed like she had been crying. "Flight 1425 leaving Seattle to Boston has gone down. No word on what caused the plane crash, but I have heard that there are no survivors from the incident." They cut the camera when the anchor woman burst into hysterical tears and sobs. I couldn't move. Seattle to Boston? Flight 1425?

I grabbed my phone and called TJ.

"Hey, do you remember the flight number Gretchen took?" I asked. I heard my voice shake.

"Yeah, why?"

"Please just tell me," I started to cry.

"Spin, what's going on?"

"Just tell me the damn flight number!"

"1425, now what-" I hung up and dropped my phone. I'm going to be sick...

I grabbed my waste bucket and threw up and then dry-heaved for fifteen minutes. I screamed at the top of my lungs and sobbed. No survivors. That was Gretchen's plane. No survivors. No. Survivors. I screamed again and my mom ran into my room. I couldn't hear anything, just white noise. Mom was yelling at me and I couldn't figure out what she was saying. I couldn't control my body and I continued to scream and cry and managed to get the message to Mom that something happened to Gretchen's plane. She took me in her arms and held me as I cried. My dad came into my room and my mom said something and he took off down the hallway. I couldn't focus. All I could think was that my best friend was gone for good and the last thing she said to me was that I was selfish. My heart was literally breaking and dying. I've have never known pain until this moment here.

TJ showed up next to me at some point, I'm not sure when and pulled me onto his lap and cradled me. I'm positive he was trying to be brave for me, but I know deep down he's just as upset as me, after all, he's know Gretchen as long as I have.

He kept repeating that he was sorry and that it shouldn't have been her.

* * *

><p>"It seemed to have been a computer malfunction that was overlooked during inspection." My father told us. We were piled in my room because I didn't want to leave. I couldn't leave. This was the last place Gretchen and I had any type of fun in. I can't let that go. "She was recovered from the wreckage and her parents is having a private family service that you two are certainly invited to and are actually asked to say something about Gretchen."<p>

I felt numb and broken. This isn't suppose to happen to me.

"But if you don't want to go or if you don't want to say anything, that's okay too, sweetie." Mom said, putting her hand on my shoulder. I started to cry again. I just don't know what to do now. How am I suppose to apologize for being such a brat to her?


	9. Nick Riley

I had a dream last night. I was in a church, which is weird because I'm not religious. TJ was in the front pew's. He looked older, maybe twenty-four or twenty-five. It looked like a service was starting and I was walking toward TJ. I turned behind me and saw a young girl trying to keep up. She had long, blonde curly hair with a big green bow in it. She had a bright green dress on and adorable black dress shoes. She had a big smile on her face as she reached out for my hand. I smiled back and took it.

"Lets go, Little one, daddy is saving us a seat," I said.

The little girl giggled and ran up to my side.

"Okay mommy. I love you," She said.

"I love you to Gretchen," I said back.

I woke up in tears and knew what I had to do. If my baby was a girl, I was going to name her after my best friend. It's the least I could do for her. I rolled over and checked my clock, 4:03am. I needed more sleep. Gretchen's service is today.

* * *

><p>The cemetery was large, but the group of people was small. It was immediate family and a few friends. TJ and I stood side-by-side next to Gretchen's parents. No one knew what to say. We weren't allowed to have an open casket because the body they found wasn't in the best condition. For the sake of our love, they kept the casket closed.<p>

My chest tightened when the priest began to speak about how when one door closes, another opens, that life doesn't really end, that she's with God and his angels, so on and so on. Gretchen's father said a few words, then her mother and TJ. When it was my turn, I stepped up to the microphone. I held my cards in my shaky hands. I started to say words, reading them off my cards like a computer. I couldn't hear what I was saying, I felt so numb, inside and out. I'm not sure when I had to stop, but the next thing I knew, TJ and my mom were walking me away from the podium. We had a moment of silence before they lowered the casket. I still couldn't believe this happened, and I couldn't believe that none of the guys could make it. Just another fact that nothing was going to be the same.

* * *

><p>I sat at home, wandering the web. My house was empty with Dad at work and Mom taking Seb out school shopping. He starts first grade tomorrow. I've had a few appointments with my OBGYN and they say everything's fine. My next appointment is in two weeks for the baby gender.<p>

I sigh and exited out of Chrome, showing my wallpaper on my laptop of the six of us in middle school. I stare at the picture for a good ten minutes when something snapped me out of it. A noise outside. I close the computer and stand up. I waddle to the kitchen, to the back door where the noise came from.

_It's a robber, Spin, it's a robber. Get upstairs to Dad's room and grab the gun._

Who would rob a house in broad daylight?

_But it's the only rational explanation!_

My nerve's were getting the best of me. Instead of going upstairs, I grabbed a kitchen knife and slowly walked to the door. I grabbed the handle and slowly turned. I quickly opened the door and was ready to stab what ever it was that was creeping around my house. The neighbors cat leaped about four feet in the air and scampered off. I exhaled deeply and put the knife on the counter.

"That was a bit excessive," A voice said around the corner.

I grabbed the knife and aimed it at the voice. It was a very tall young man with ear-length, bright orange hair and freckles sprinkled his nose. He wore a leather jacket over a lime green t-shirt. I eyed him suspiciously.

"What are you doing back here?" I asked. I met his gaze. He had very light green eyes and a mischievous grin.

He leaned on the side of the house and folded his arms.

"I moved in next door," he pointed to the light blue house next to mine, separated by a crummy wooden fence. "Thought I would stop by and meet the neighbors, though I wasn't expecting a greeting like this," he nodded at the knife I still held out to his chest.

I lowered the knife but didn't put it down. Something about this guy I didn't trust.

"Welcome to the neighborhood," I said.

Out of nowhere, the baby kicked my gut. I winced in some pain and braced myself on the side of the door.

"Are you okay?" He asked, straightening up. I held my hand up.

"I'm fine, it just kicked my stomach pretty hard." I said, looking back up at him. He gave me a confused look.

"Are you pregnant?"

"No, I got kicked by a ghost that haunts my house. Of course I'm pregnant. I'm normally a tiny person, but now I've doubled..." I look down at my belly. I hope they're happy in there.

"Sorry. Well, I should go meet the other neighbors." He turned to go and looked back at me, "Nice meeting you..."

"Spinelli," I said.

"Spinelli. I'm Nick Riley." He waved and jumped off my steps and headed down the street.

Nick Riley. Huh. I better keep an eye on that one with his untrusting freckles.

I chuckled at myself and walked back to the living room. The baby was very active for some reason, kicking this way and that. I cannot wait to get this pregnancy done and over with.


	10. Charlie Detweiler

It always seemed like I end up in this chair with TJ and Mom, one way or the other. Today, we are finally going to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. The doctor just ran my tests and we're sitting in the room waiting for the results.

"Have you decided on names?" Mom asked eagerly.

TJ shrugged. "Haven't given it that much thought-"

"Gretchen." I blurted. I honestly haven't talked to TJ about naming the baby after Gretchen if it turned out to be a girl.

They both looked at me. TJ grew a big smile on his face and pulled me into a hug.

"I would be so happy if we named our daughter after our best friend." He chuckled.

"What if it's a boy?" My mom asked. I pulled away from TJ and thought.

"I'm not sure. I guess since I came up with a girls name, TJ should come up with a boys name." I gave him an evil smile.

TJ groaned, but didn't fight it. He sat and thought for a good five minutes.

"Charlie. After my Great Grandfather Charles."

I gave him a smile. I liked that name, Charlie.

Three knocks on the door and the doctor strolled in.

"I'm so glad to see you much better, Ashley." She smiled. "Now, are you ready to know the sex of the baby?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, it looks like you're having a boy."

My heart sank. This pregnancy has been a roller coaster of emotion, and honestly, I didn't want it at all. But I figured if I was going to be having a baby, I would want it to be a girl. Boys pee on you and do gross things. Girls, I can relate to.

Mom must have seen my disappointed look and put her hand on my shoulder.

"Boy or girl, you will make a wonderful mom." She assured me.

"Charlie it is." TJ said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

Yay...

* * *

><p>"Ashley, I need to talk to you," My mother peaked in my room and gave me a look like this needed to be discussed now.<p>

"Sure, mom. What's up?"

She came into my room and sat on the edge of my bed.

"I just want to start off by saying that your father and I are very proud of you with how you're coping with the current events that have fallen onto your path. We also want to express how much we love you and TJ, and that we both know you two will make great parents." She paused. Where was this going? "But we also understand that when you make adult decisions, you have to follow through with them. And you can't make the proper choices with your parents hanging around you."

"What are you saying mom?"

"I think it's time you and TJ found your own place, with the baby."

"What? Now?" I knew it was a matter of time, but I thought they would help me out, give me time.

"Now, we know TJ has been working very hard with his uncle on the local job sites doing construction and you've been working with my sister at the local art studio. We also know that right now, you two can't afford to get a place right now. So your father is giving up one of the houses he bought for you, you just need to pay us the rent, which is the cost of the mortgage."

Mom wants me to move out into one of dad's houses that he buys, fixes up, and sells. Well, it could be worse. I could be going out onto the streets.

"When do you want me out?"

"Don't say it like that Ashley." Mom gave me a look like she really didn't want to have this conversation. "We were thinking next month."

I nodded, taking it all in.

"I'll call TJ tomorrow." I said.

Mom kissed my forehead.

"I love you very much Honey."

"I love you too, Mom."

She stood up and left my room. I wonder which house they're going to have us move into...

* * *

><p>"You're dad is giving us a house? Best. Wedding present. Ever!" TJ pumped himself up. I did a face palm at his stupidity.<p>

"No Babe, They're letting us move into one of his houses. We have to pay the mortgage by paying him rent. He said something about six-hundred a month." We were sitting outside in my back yard. The leafs were changing to the autumn colours and the air was getting cooler, but warm enough to lounge outside with some root beer.

"That's not that bad. My sister and her husband are paying twelve-hundred for their house." TJ said, sitting down next to me in the grass.

"And I have a cousin paying the same as your sister, but he lives in an apartment in the city." I tipped my glass in his direction like I was being fancy or something.

TJ scooted closer to me and rubbed my belly.

"You know, at this stage, they're developing the sense to hear. A lot of the books I'm reading suggest playing music or singing to him or even talking to him can help with his learning development when he's born."

TJ stared at me like I spoke Russian, which I can't.

"Talking to the belly with the baby in it helps the baby." I said slower.

"Oh!" He looked at my stomach and smile. He laid his head on the bump and rubbed. "Hey Charlie, it's me, Daddy. I love you very much son. And I cannot wait to meet you." Suddenly, TJ's watch started beeping.

"Work?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows.

"Yeah, I got to go," he kissed the top of my head and stood up. "I love you Sugar. I'll call you when I get home."

"Hey, tell your mom the plan," I called after him. He waved and jumped my fence to his truck. I watched him pull out and drive away. That's my fiancé.

"Well he seems like he'll make a great daddy. He is the daddy, isn't he?" I groaned, know very well who was standing behind me.

"Yes, Nick. He's the dad. What do you want." Geez, this guy was like that annoying neighbor kid that always thought he was cooler than everyone. Kind of like Randall.

"Nothing, I was just strolling about when I saw you and your boyfriend out here. He took off before I could introduce myself."

"Don't bother, we won't be here long enough for you two to even have a full conversation." I mumbled.

"What do you mean?" He asked, sitting on the grass cross-legged.

"It doesn't matter."

"What's up Spinelli," something about his voice made me look up, like he was actually concerned for my feelings. I sighed, giving in.

"My parents are making us move into one of my dad's houses. I'm not sure which one though, he owns a lot of property."

"Well, that should be good for you, right?"

"I've never been on my own before. I just graduated four months ago." I take a sip of my soda. "Want one?"

"No thanks. So you're only eighteen?"

I looked up at him.

"Yeah, how old do I look?"

Nick shuffled uncomfortably.

"I don't know, twenty-one, twenty-two maybe."

"But I'm so small!"

"Not any more..." He said, referring to my baby belly.

"Thanks, ass."

Nick laughed and patted my shoulder.

"You'll do fine, kid."

"Kid? How old are you?"

He stood up and stretched his arms up over his head, lifting his shirt up, revealing his stomach. He had to have worked out, because all I saw was a chiseled six pack. He released and looked down at me.

"How old do _I _look?"

I looked him up and down and came up with my number.

"Twenty-four."

"Oh that's cute, but no. twenty. But thanks for the complement."

"Yeah, no problem." I tried to stand up but couldn't get the right momentum to hoist myself to my feet.

"Here, let me help," Nick reached his hand out to me. I suddenly got a strange feeling, like I should refuse the offer. But if I did that, I would be stuck here until Mom got home from work, which was in about seven hours. So I took his hand and instantly felt warm. I mean, it was warm outside, but this kind of warm came from the inside. He pulled me up and smiled down at me. He was a good two feet taller than me.

"Thanks," I said.

"No problem. I guess I'll see you around Spinelli," He pulled his hand out of mine and walked away. I shook the feeling out of me and glared at him. Nick Riley, stay out of my life.


	11. Just Around the Corner

"Luckily you're not moving far, just a few houses down the block." My patted my back as we stood in front of a small yellow house. The paint was pealing off the wood panels and the white fence was not in the best condition.

"This looks awful..." I said. No filter for this lady today.

"Oh, it's fine. Just needs some work on the outside. The inside is lovely though. I helped clean it up." Mom beamed.

"Okay, let's check it out!" TJ said excitedly. Sometimes I just wish he wasn't so chipper all the time.

We stepped onto the stone steps past the fence gate that was laying in the brown-patched grass. The mailbox next to the fence was broken, leaning more to the left and had a giant dent on top. We walked onto the small porch and approached the front door. Mom pulled out a set of keys, keys for every house my dad owns, and unlocked the front door. We stepped inside and everything changed. The carpet was vacuumed and smelt new. The walls were freshly painted, a soft blue in the entry way where you walk in. Dead ahead of us was a staircase leading up to the second floor. To the left was a door, I opened it.

"That's the downstairs bathroom," Mom said. I peered inside, one toilet, a sink with some counter space and a standup shower. Not too shabby.

Adjacent to the bathroom was another door sitting along side the staircase. TJ opened that door revealing a perfectly square room, large enough for a twin sized bed, a few bedside tables, a dresser and possibly a trunk to sit nicely by the window.

"I was thinking guest room," Mom said.

I nodded and looked to the right of the stairs where an opening was set up for the living room. A soft shade of green covered the walls. A large window let in a lot of the sunlight, giving it the most relaxing feel to it. A fireplace rested against the wall of the staircase, with a lovely frame to it. I imagined setting up framed pictures and trophies on the mantel piece.

Through the living room was the dining room. A small, fake chandelier hung in the center of the ceiling.

"It took me a week to clean that thing, but I made it shine," Mom smiled.

"Look at these windows!" TJ ran over to the dining room windows that encircled the room.

I looked to the left of the room and saw the opening to the kitchen. The entrance had an archway, and up against that were bar counters, leaving a large window into the kitchen. Inside, it was nice and spacious, but not too much space. It was just enough room to move freely without bumping into things.

"I love this kitchen." I said.

"Want to see upstairs?" Mom asked, nudging me with her elbow.

TJ booked it out of the kitchen and for the stairs.

"I don't know about me, but I think TJ wants to," I laughed.

We walked up the carpeted stairs and found ourselves in a small hallway. Four doors, two to the left and two to the right. One door was open and that was where we found TJ. He was laying in the middle of the room, arms spread out and big smile on his face.

"This is the biggest room in the house. It even has a master bathroom." Mom pointed to two sets of door on the left side of the room, one was a closet-looking door and the other was a jarred, revealing a clean, white bathroom with two sinks, a lot of counter space, a large five foot mirror, a stand up shower, topped with a jet tub bath fit for two. And by two, I mean me and my baby belly.

We left the master bedroom and looked at the other rooms. There were two more bedrooms, smaller, like the one downstairs, and another single bathroom.

"And all this for six-hundred a month?" I asked.

"Yes." Mom said.

"What about water and electricity?" TJ asked, popping out of one of the bedrooms.

"We get the bill, like all of our properties, for the first few months, we'll pay for the utilities, and once you guys get more on your feet, you can start paying us for the bills, and then once you get more up, you can have your own account."

I should consider myself lucky. Not all parents would do this, or could do this for that matter. Yeah, it sucks that they're kicking us out, but at least they're being awesome about it.

"My mom isn't too happy about everything that's happened. But since I'm an adult and already graduated, there isn't much that she can do." TJ confessed, leaning against the wall.

"Well, you will always have a place in our hearts, TJ." My said, pulling him into a hug and kissing him on the forehead. "So," She asked, pulling away. "When do you want to start moving?"

* * *

><p>We starting moving in on TJ's day off, so the next day after we looked at the house. The outside had a lot of work to be done, but at least we can sit comfortably inside without feeling gross. We are two houses away from my parents house, so if we needed anything, they were right there. We didn't have to worry about a new commute route of anything like that since everything is pretty much the same. TJ wouldn't let me lift anything when we moved, so I was stuck inside, putting away the spare dishes my parents donated us. We decided to keep my mattress and sell TJ's since mine was a king size and his was a twin. I set up the office in one of the spare rooms, someplace where I could work on my projects without being in anyone's way or having it too crowded. As a house warming gift, TJ's dad bought us a used couch off of Craigslist. It fit comfortably in the living room. We would have to save up for a dining room table and chairs, but in the mean time, we have the coffee table to eat off of. My dad went through the cupboards and donated some food to us so we wouldn't starve until TJ's next pay check. I drove down to the food bank and picked up some non-perishables, just enough to get us by. Everything seemed like it was falling into place. We were happy and engaged, and starting a family. Nothing could go wrong. Maybe change isn't so bad. Maybe I over reacted about everything. It doesn't matter now. Right now I need to focus on five things; pregnancy, baby's room, work, wedding and a dining room table with chairs. That's it.<p>

* * *

><p>Since we have the inside of the house all situated, and I don't have to work until next week, I was outside in the lovely autumn air cleaning up the yard. I was pulling weeds next to the porch when I heard footsteps walking down the stone path.<p>

"Well, you're home early, Sweetie" I chuckled.

"Well, not exactly, Doll Face."

You have got to be kidding me...

"Are you, like, stalking me?" I turned on my knees to find Nick Riley standing over me.

"Well, we are neighbors." He grinned a big grin, showing startling white teeth.

"That doesn't explain why you keep following me..." I murmured.

"Look, I know I seem annoying," He folded his arms and I rolled my eyes. "But I've grown to enjoy your company. You're like an adorable long lost sister I've never had."

I groaned.

"So," he plops down next to me in the dirt and looks at the weeds. "How can I help?"


	12. The Autumn Night

They say that when you're pregnant, your hormones are imbalanced. That is a big understatement. Last night, I cried because I dropped my tooth brush in the sink and I thought it was covered with sink germs. TJ ran out and bought me a new tooth brush. But what they don't tell you about pregnancy is that because your hormones are going crazy, that means you are constantly craving sex. When TJ and I first moved in with eachother, everything was great. We read that having sex wouldnt hurt the baby, so why not do it? It's not like anything worse could happen. But lately, the romance dwindled to nearly nothing. Yeah, he kisses me good-morning when we wake up, wraps his arms around me when I'm making breakfast or dinner, blows me a kiss on his way out to work, get into tickle fights before bed. But when the lights go out, it's like I'm only there to keep my side of the bed warm.

I was laying in bed with TJ next to me.

"Hey sweetie," I whispered. "Kiss me."

He rolled over and gave me a quick kiss on the lips and rolled back over. I was in complete shock. He did NOT do what I think he just did.

"What the hell?" I asked, turning on my lamp. He rolled back over and looked at me like I was nuts. "I asked for a kiss and you gave me that?" I was fuming.

"What do you mean? That was a kiss," He said.

I rolled out of bed and waddled to my dresser, pulled out a fuzzy sweater and army sweatpants and got dressed.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing?"

"Going for a walk." I said.

"What for? What did I do?"

I looked up and glared at him.

"You don't know... Oh God, you are such a man! Your fiancé, pregnant and fat, wants to make out with you and you blow her off. Like a man!" I shouted. I grabbed my slippers and stormed out of the room and down the stairs. I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door.

The cold October night hit my face hard, but the rush felt so good, cooling me off from my raging fit.

_He's not attracted to you anymore now that your fat_.

Shut up! Yes he is.

_No he's not. If he was he would have lavished you with kisses and woohed you._

I hate my brain. But she's right. The moment the romance faded was when I blew up like a hot air balloon. TJ isn't attracted to me anymore and it's all this baby's fault!

I watched my feet as I made my way down the block. I passed my parents house, looking up at my old window. Mom said Dad turned it into the office, like he planned on doing when I would leave for college. I guess moving out with your boyfriend is pretty much the same thing.

I kicked up a rock and it hit a mailbox.

"I could sue you for vandalism."

I looked up and saw Nick Riley, sitting on his porch with a beer.

"Sorry," I mumbled and continued to walk past him.

"Hey, hey wait," He jumped out of his bench and put his beer down. I stopped and looked back at him. "What's going on squirt?"

"I'm not a kid, Nick. I have a name."

He comes running up to my side and falls into pace with my walking.

"Sorry, didn't mean to insult you."

"It's okay."

We walked in silence for a while.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." I muttered.

"You look like you just rolled out of bed,"

"Because I did. What about you, it's nearly midnight and you're sitting outside with a beer like the creeper that you are."

His laugh rang through the neighborhood. It sounded sincere.

"Yeah, well, I can't sleep. I got someone on my mind that I can't get out. But it's fine."

"Oh," I said.

We walked in more silence. I could feel the night moving its way along with time, stars gliding across the sky, the moon rising to its peak. We probably walked for about fiteen minutes when we came to the neighborhood park that mom likes to take Sebastian to. We sat down at a bench. I looked up at the stars and wished everything was different. I wished I hadn't gotten pregnant. I wished TJ still found me sexy. I wish Gretchen was still alive. I wish I didn't have to grow up.

"TJ doesn't think I'm attractive anymore." I whispered. I said it not to tell Nick, but to say it outloud. Maybe if I said it, it would sound stupid and I would believe it to not be true. But it didn't. It didn't sound stupid at all. I could feel Nick looking at me, his green eyes staring into my soul, judging me, sizing me up. "We haven't had sex since the baby started to grow. I have a month and a half left, but he won't look at me like I'm the only girl in the world now, like he use to. He won't touch me passionately or romantically. He barely kisses me," I don't know why I was telling Nick, but I needed to talk to someone and Mom was out of the question. Nick was the only friend I have left, I guess. "I'm fat, and ugly and it's no wonder he can't look at me with passion in his eyes anymore." I started to cry. My emotions overwhelmed me once again and I just let the tears fall. I felt Nick's arms wrap around my shoulders and pulled me into a hug while I cried. He smelt so good, like cherry wood and cinnimon.

"Shh, it's okay Spinelli. Everything will be okay. Shh," He rubbed my shoulders and back.

When I finished crying, I just laid in his arms, feeling a rush of exhaustion.

"Can you walk?" He asked, sitting me up.

"Hmm," I was so tired.

"Come here kiddo," He stood me up and bent down, hoisting me into his arms. "Everything will be okay," He carried me back to my house. I was in and out of consciousness, but I could have sworn he continued to talk to me while he carried me, but I can't remember what he said.

"Can I go inside and set you down on your couch?" He asked.

I nodded my head. He turned the handle and carried me inside. He walked into the livingroom and set me down on the couch. He pulled my grandmothers quilt off the back of the couch and covered me.

"Good night Spinelli," I could feel Nick pet my head, moving hair away from my forehead. I could feel his breath on my face. He was so close to me. "Until next time."

Then he was gone, and I couldn't hold onto this world any longer, and I fell asleep.


	13. It Begins

"Spin, I'm sorry about the other night," TJ was standing in the door way to the kitchen while I stirred a pot of beef stew for dinner. All I've been craving is beef stew, so I had Mom teach me how to make it. "I don't want you to feel like I'm not attracted to you."

I dropped the ladle into the pot and turned to face him, glaring.

"Teej, I'm a whale. What once was a five foot, ninety pound girl is a five foot, one-sixty-five pound girl!" I screamed. "I'm not pretty! I'm breaking out in acne, my feet are huge and swollen, I have gas worse than your dad, and I'm a raging, hormonal bitch that cries over her own toothbrush!" In the heat of my rage, I grabbed a towel and threw it at him. I only saw red.

"Spin, what the hell?"

"You don't like what I've become? Maybe you should have worn a condom!" I screamed.

"Maybe you should have swallowed like I wanted you to!"

The moment he said it, I knew he regretted it. His eyes got big and he started to back up into the dining room.

"How dare you." I hissed. I turned off the stove and pushed passed him.

"Spin, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," He followed me into the living room. "Please, it just slipped."

I stopped and turned so quickly, he nearly ran into me.

"Just slipped? Just. Slipped. I see, so it was something you've been holding onto, holding back and protecting me from your real feelings about this pregnancy." I poked his chest. "You don't want this baby any more than I do, don't you? If you didn't want me to have this baby than why didn't you let me get rid of it?"

"Because you didn't want to do that!" He poked me back, and I reverted back to my old, self-defending me, and punch him in the chest.

"Don't. Touch. Me." I growled. I turned and grabbed my jacket. "Don't call me, don't text me, don't look for me. I will find you when you're ready." I grabbed the door and stormed out.

How dare he?

Sure you didn't over react?

Whose side are you on?

I'm just saying, TJ doesn't know what you're going through.

He shouldn't have said those things to me...

I understand Ashley, but he doesn't understand that you can't control your emotions.

What ever. Just go away!

My mind when blank. Maybe I'm schizophrenic. No way.

I start heading towards my parents house. It was only six in the evening, so there was some sunlight left, peaking over the evergreen trees inbetween houses. When was the last time I smiled or laughed? When was the last time I had any real fun?

"Spin! Hey Spinelli!" Nick Riley runs down his porch and I stop walking.

"Why is it that you are everywhere I go?" I asked, folding my arms.

"I'm not in your shower, if that helps?" I glared at his smug smile.

"Funny,"

"What do you want Nick?"

He looked down at me with a smile on his face. It didn't matter how mean I was to him, how rude I could be or how cold I was, he always smiled at me. And for some reason, that bugged me to no end.

"I was mulling around town and came across these," He held up a pair of Smashing Pumpkins concert tickets. "I was wondering if you and your man were a fan, if so, you can have 'em."

"Why won't you go?" I asked, sensing a trap.

"Notice I have two? And I am only one."

"Right, but what about the person you've had on your mind that keeps you from sleeping? Ask them to go." I said, about to walk away.

"Do you want the tickets or not?"

"Not. TJ and I aren't speaking right now. He dug himself a hole he can't get out of at the moment." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Well, how about I give you one ticket, and I will take the other ticket and then you go to the concert and then I go to the concert and if we happen to run into each other, maybe we won't look like lonely losers going to a concert alone." He smirked.

I sighed. Wasn't I just wondering when the last time I had fun? It's like Nick is a mind reader or something. I look at him skeptically and reach for the ticket.

"Oh, hey, wouldn't it be more economically friendly, if we carpooled, since we're going the same direction anyway? We can save gas and the world!" Nick laughed at his suggestion.

"I guess..." I said. "Hey, when is this concert anyway?"

"Now," Nick grabbed my hand and took off towards his car. He opened the passenger door for me and I got in. I couldn't help the smile that grew on my face.

I know now that when I stepped into Nick Riley's car, my whole world would be turned upside-down. But at the time, I was young and blinded to truly see that someone really loved me and that he would do anything for me, even though he's an idiot.

Now, you're probably wondering, is she talking about TJ? The father of her child? The one she's been with since day one of their social lives in kindergarden? The jerk who can't ever say the right thing at the right time? Or is she talking about Nick Riley? The guy who has, surprisingly, been there when she needed someone? Who constantly puts a smile on her face? Who has shockingly handsome features? But who also annoys the piss out of her?

That, my friends, is a very obvious answer and I shun you for not realizing it now. But I'm sure you want to hear the story of how I managed to break one heart and fill another all in one night. This is how I went into labor...


	14. Too Soon

We went to the WaMu theater where the Smashing Pumpkins were playing. The streets were packed with fans. From outside the doors while we were waiting to go inside, we could hear the band doing sound checks. I shivered in the cold night and wondered if the excitement would be okay for the baby.

"Are you cold?" Nick asked.

"No." I lied.

"Here," He took off his jacket and put it over my shoulders. I instantly felt warmer.

"Thanks." I said, suddenly feeling shy.

"No problem."

My heart pounded through my chest.

What are you doing?

Having fun, what are you doing?

You have a fiance!

Who is only marrying me because I'm carrying a child he doesn't even want.

He's trying to be a man.

He's breaking my heart.

You will be breaking his if he finds out.

Just go away and stay away.

"Are you okay?" Nick put his hand on my head and I looked up at him and smiled, trying to look like I'm fine.

"Yeah, totally. Just getting pumped is all."

"If it gets too much for you," He looks at my belly. "Please let me know and I'll take you home."

"I'm not going home tonight." I said.

Nick just stared at me like I was a lost child.

"You two will work it out. You aren't one to just give up, I can tell."

"No. This isn't a normal fight. He kept secrets from me. Lied about what he really wanted. Made me feel like the only reason why he is staying with me is because of our child," I touched my belly. "He can't undo what he said. And he wouldn't have said them if they weren't true."

"What are you going to do then?"

"Not sure yet, but for the time being, I'm going to have a good time." I smiled at him.

Nick smiled back and we laughed, shaking off the bad vibes of the conversation. We got to the front of the line and Nick presented the tickets.

"Have fun, stay safe." The bouncer said, stamping our hands.

"Hey, let me get you some food, you look hungry." Nick squeezed my shoulder and we wandered off to a food cart.

* * *

><p>After eating a quick hot dog, Nick bought me a concert T-shirt and their new CD. I told him he didn't have to buy me anything, but he insisted to the point that he ignored everything I said and just bought the stuff. The concert started and everything was a blur after that. All the noise and chaos was intoxicating. We danced and sang with the songs, working up a sweat. After the fifth song, we took a break and stepped ouside to cool ourselves off.<p>

"Oh man, this was the tops. Thanks for taking me," I said, grinning from ear to ear.

"No problem," Nick ruffled my hair.

I pulled him into a hug and breathed in deeply. That scent, cherry wood and cinnimon, filled my lungs. My legs felt weak and my heart was pounding. I slowly pulled away and looked up into his green eyes. He was look down at me, only he wasn't smiling like usual. His face was sober and soft. I couldn't help but crave his lips, and I don't think he could help it either because next thing I knew, our mouths were pressed together. A wave of excitement washed over my body and stayed in my gut. We pressed harder, hoping nothing would rip up apart. The passion was so intense, I started to get dizzy.

What felt like hours later, we resurfaced and gazed at each other, not sure what to say.

"Well... That just happened..." I mumbled, blushing.

"Hey," He cupped my cheek in his hand. "I don't want to make things complicated, but I couldn't resist. Spinelli, you are unlike anything I have ever seen. You are smart and funny and different in your own unique way. You make my heart stop when I see you walk by. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and when I do sleep, all I can do is dream about you. Dream about having you in my arms for the rest of my life."

"Nick, I... How can you find me attractive?"

"This extension of your body," he puts his hands on my belly. "Is apart of you. You feed it, tend to it, make it grow. This is who you are. The person inside here is apart of you. And if I'm falling for you, then I'm going to fall for _all _of you."

Tears filled my eyes. Not even TJ has ever said anything so sweet to me before.

"You're falling for me?"

"Yes Spinelli."

I grabbed his collar and pulled him into another kiss.

Suddenly, a jab at my side knocked me into reality. Pain shot up my spin and I doubled over.

"Spinelli, are you okay?"

"No,"

I felt wet, like I pissed myself. I looked down at my legs and they were soaked. Oh my God, I pissed myself.

"Spinelli, I think your water just broke." Nick grabbed my arms to help me up.

"No, no, no! It's too early!" I started crying. The baby was a month and a half early. I am in the safe zone, but still, too early!

"Come on, we need to get you to a hospital." Nick carried me to his car and we took off to Harbor View Medical Center where the longest night of my life began.


	15. Regret or Guilt

I kept breathing. In. Out. In. Out.

"Here you go," Nick showed up with a wheelchair and helped me sit down. I pulled out my cell phone and called TJ.

"Spin? Where are you?" His voice was cracked and hazy. It could have been the poor reception.

"TJ, I need you to listen, I was out unwinding with a friend, and then my water broke." I yelled into the phone, just to make sure he heard me right.

"What? Where are you at?"

"Harborview Medical Center."

"Give me an hour, don't have Charlie without me. Did you call your mom?"

"Yes, she's getting dressed and will be picking you up in a few minutes." I started to cry. It was too early. What if I don't make it? What if Charlie doesn't make it?

"Spin, it'll be okay." TJ's voice was so certain, that it actually made me feel better.

"Just get here, you goof." I hung up the phone and threw my head back. "Fuck."

"Ashley Spinelli?" A nurse aproached me with a smile and a clipboard. "I will be your nurse for the evening. We're going to run some tests and make sure this is a real labor and not a false one. We're also going to do a stress test and make sure the baby is okay. After the tests, we can then determine whether or not it is safe to have the baby today or if we need to stop the labor."

Stop the labor? Can they do that?

The nurse grabbed the wheelchair handles and pushed me into the maternity ward. Nick started to follow when the nurse stopped him.

"Are you the father?"

"No, but I-"

"Only immidate family." She said with a frown.

"It's okay. The father won't be here for a while and I can't do this alone. Please?" I started to cry again. Nick ran to my side and took my hand.

"You will be okay. I will go with you if that is what you want." He brushed my black hair out of my eyes and cupped my cheek.

"If you're okay with it Ashley, then I guess no harm, but you need to sign into the front desk and get a pass." The nurse looked down at Nick. "We will be in room three-o-five." She then pushed me away from Nick and through a couple of doors.

"Does the father know about him?" The nurse asked.

I was so shocked about how foward she was that I couldn't say anything.

"Excuse me?" I finally mustered up the words to talk.

"I just noticed that-"

"You have no right." I hissed.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cross a line." The nurse sighed. "Here we are," She pressed a button on the wall and room 305 door opened wide up. "Let me get you a fresh warm gown to change into," She opened a cupboard and pulled out some cloths and turned back to me. "Lets get you dressed."

The nurse helped me out of the chair and walked me to the bathroom.

"If you need any help, please call for me," she closed the bathroom door and left me.

I was alone for the first time tonight. Alone with my thoughts and clothes. I kissed Nick. I cheated on TJ. I betrayed so many people in just a matter of moments, and the guilt was so overwhelming, I almost didn't feel the pain of labor. I'm going to break TJ's heart when I tell him what I did. And that's not the worse part. I'm going to have to tell him how I really feel about this. How we rushed in too quickly, how I know he's pushing me away but only staying with me because of Charlie. I know he doesn't look at me the same way, more like a sister than anything. I'm not his lover any more. Just a person carrying his child.

_You know that is not the case._

I know he loves me. But not the way he tells me, if he tells me.

An image popped into my head, TJ and me at Junior Prom. The image of us dancing. He shaved his beard and I combed my hair and wore a dress for the first time in my life. It was the perfect moment. A moment I have never relived. Isn't that what being married is all about? Cherishing each moment like it's the last? TJ doesn't love me, and I'm okay with that, because I know he doesn't love me.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?"<p>

Nick was sitting at the windowsill of the room, look at me with his charming green eyes. His bright orange hair in shambles from the craziness of the concert and chaos of getting me here.

"Yeah," I replied. "Why?"

"I'm sorry." Nick looked down at his hands, sadness washed over his face.

I sat up.

"I shouldn't have kissed you. You're going through a rough time with your fiancé and I altered your feelings." He looked up and stared outside. "I have never been one to get along with people very well. No one seems to want to put up with me."

"What makes you think I can?" I chuckled.

Nick smirked, but it faded quickly.

"I shouldn't have put you in this predicament." He sighed.

"There's one thing you should know about me Nick. I wouldn't have done what I did if I didn't feel it was right. TJ isn't in love with me anymore and I know that. I will talk to him when he gets here, which, should be any moment now. You should go get something to eat."

He looked up at me, surprised.

"What?"

"You don't want me to leave?"

"Are you kidding? If TJ freaks out and leaves me, I'll be stuck with my mom. I'm going to need someone and right now, that someone is you."

"Would you have guessed we would be here when we first met?"

I thought back to the day I met Nick Riley and smiled. I nearly stabbed him with a kitchen knife.

"Ha, no. Now go eat. TJ will be here soon and I need to tell him everything."

"Okay," Nick stood up and walked to the door. He turned and grinned. "Stay safe." Then he was gone, and I was alone, again, feeling guilt and labor pains.


	16. True Feelings

TJ walked into the room with a grim expression. He was worried about me. Didn't know where I ran off to. Scared I came here alone.

"Spinelli, what's going on?" He asked.

"The doctor says I'm going into labor. They ran some tests to see if I was safe to deliver."

"That's not what I meant,"

I knew that. But I was hoping I didn't have to have this talk so soon.

"Where's Mom?" I asked, lacing my fingers together.

"Talking to your dad." He pulled up a chair next to my bed. "We need to talk."

"Yes, we do, I-"

"No, please, let me talk." He put his hand on top on my hands and squeezed. "The fight we had tonight, about how you feel like I don't find you sexy, it's not true. I find you very attractive. You're beautiful and smart and funny and I am very lucky." A pit in my stomach grew heavy. This is going to be so hard. I looked down at my hands and sighed. "But you are right about one thing, I've been pushing you away, and I'm sorry for that. I wish it wasn't this way,"

This way? What does he mean 'this way'?

I looked up and looked him in the eyes.

"Spin, I've been hiding something for some time and I had hoped it was nothing at all and that it would correct itself, mostly for the sake of you and Charlie, but I can't fix how I feel. I love you so much Spin, but I don't love you the way I did before. And I would be lying to myself, you and the baby if I stayed with you for the wrong reasons."

My heart felt like it was ripping. Here I was, about to break things off, thinking it was time, and here comes TJ, doing it before I had a chance to say anything.

"What are you saying?" I asked.

He looked down. It seemed like I really needed to get something off his chest, but the words couldn't form.

"It's hard to say, but I know staying together isn't what's right." He looked back up at me and frowned more. "Spin, don't cry."

Was I crying? I touched my face and sure enough it was wet. Why was I crying? I was about to do the same to him. Should I be at least relieved we were on the same page?

"I want to be there for you, for the baby. But I think staying together for Charlie is the wrong way."

"I agree. If you don't love me, that's okay. I'm just glad you told me." I took a deep breath and sighed. "And I was starting to feel the same way. All of what's going on, we've drifted apart. And I didn't know if it was just me or not."

"Spin, I'm gay."

Did he... did he just say what I thought he just said? I couldn't move. It all makes sense now. Why he never kissed me anymore. Why we haven't made love in five months. Why he hasn't pushed any plans about the wedding. Why he doesn't love me anymore.

"You're... gay?"

Tears welled in his eyes and his face burned bright red. He buried his head in my lap and cried. I wrapped my arm over his back and stroked his hair.

"Shhhsh. It's okay TJ. It'll be okay." I started to cry to. It happens whenever he cries and I can't control it.

"I don't know what to do Spinelli. It's not like I'm against the life style, I just never thought I was like that." He sobbed into my leg.

"Hey," I lifted his face to look at me. "It's okay. You need to sort out your feelings. I get it."

"Do you know how amazing you are?" He asked, cupping my face.

"No, I'm not. Today, I made a poor choice. I shouldn't have ran out on you. We should have talked sooner."

"What do you mean you made a poor choice?" He sat up.

Here comes the confession.

"Like you, my feelings have changed, and I didn't ever act on it until tonight. And when you came in my room, I was going to tell you everything, but you needed to talk first and I don't know where to begin, but-"

"Just tell me, it's not like we're trying to save anything here," He squeezed my hands again.

"I kissed someone else." I said it so quickly and so quietly, I had hoped he didn't hear. But he did. He just stared at me with a blank expression on his face.

"you-you kissed someone else? Tonight?" He finally said.

"Yes, and I feel terrible about it. I should have talked to you about my feelings before things got out of hand and everything happened so quickly. I was just so emotional and depressed, I didn't know what to do-"

He started to laugh, a big bellowed laugh, so hard he nearly fell out of the chair.

"What?" I was so mad I almost slapped him. What the hell could be so funny about me cheating on him?

"I'm laughing because- because of this situation! It's so ridiculous, it could be a movie!" He laughed harder and wiped a tear from his face. This boy is so bipolar it's not even funny. "I'm just saying, "He calmed his breathing. "That we both grew apart from each other and we're both okay."

I cracked a small smile. "Yeah, I guess."

"Hey, I want to be apart of Charlie's life, if that's okay. We can be like my parents, only we can stand to be in the same room together," He laughed again and stood up.

"What about the house?" I asked.

"I'll move back home. You need the place more than me."

"Thanks."

A knock on the door and Mom walked in.

"You doing okay kiddo?" She asked.

"Yeah. The doctor should be back any moment with my test results."

"That's good. Are you hungry? Do you want some ice chips?" She gave me a sweet smile.

"Sure Mom, thanks."

She turned and walked out.

"Hey Spin?"

"Yeah?"

"Who'd you kiss anyway?" The question didn't sound like a trap, more like intrigue.

"I don't think you know him. His name is Nick. Nick Riley."

"Our neighbor?"

I could feel my cheeks grow hot.

"Lucky man. I'm going to get some chips." He shot me a smile and walked out.

Well, that could have gone worse.


	17. Surprise

"Are you sure you're okay?"

Mikey's concerned voice filled my head. I was sitting in the hospital bed with my cell phone pressed to my ear.

"Yes, Mikey, I'm fine. The doctor said I'm healthy and the baby is healthy. We don't need to stop my labor. I'm good for delivery with no complications." I laughed. I couldn't believe I was here, right now, about to give birth to life.

"Okay, well, I called Gus and Vince. They were both able to get some time off to come see you. I'm at the air port right now on my way to you. I can't wait to meet the little booger."

"Thanks Mikey, I can't wait to see you guys. I'm in room three-o-five at Harborview."

"Okay Spin, see you when I see you."

We hung up and I sat back. TJ and I were okay. Split, but okay. We both had our reasons and neither of us were angry. The most important thing, is that Charlie will still have his dad in his life. I looked up at the ceiling and reflecting on the last seven months since graduation. I have lost so much but gained even more. I thought about my house, about Charlie's room, how I spent two weeks trying to decide on a color, and finally picked a light shade of green and spent six more hours paining. I thought about the crib that use to be Sebastian's and the changing table, all a nice light oak wood. I thought about the rug I bought three weeks ago, and the books I picked up at the book drive. And I thought about the rocking chair my grandpa gave my mother when she was pregnant with me. It sat in the corner of the room, spruce wood with native carvings on it. It was the best gift anyone gave me for this baby.

A knock came and my mom walked in with a duffle bag.

"I figured you didn't grab you hospital bag, so when I picked TJ up, I snagged it up for you."

"Thanks Mom."

Another knock on the door and the nurse came in.

"Having any more contractions?"

"Yes, Not sure how far apart they are,"

"Well lets take a look," She grabbed the paper spilling out of the machine that they have connected to my insides (trust me, you don't want to know what they do to monitor you) and they ripped it off. "let me check your dilation." She lifted up my gown and prodded her way around. When she emerged she gave me a smile. "Eight centimeters, we are very close. I'll inform the doctor." She took off her gloves and left the room.

"Are you ready to be a grandma?" I asked looking up at Mom. But I couldn't see her face because her hands were covering it up. She was crying. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I'm okay baby, I just, I'm just so proud of you. I love you very much," She sniffed and gave me a smile.

"I love you too,"

A pain, one I was very familiar with at this point, hit me hard, harder than the others.

"Ashley?"

"Mom, this one's not stopping."

"Oh dear," Mom ran to the wall and jammed her finger several times on a small red button.

"Mom, get- TJ" I breathed. I felt like I was going to explode.

"Okay, okay," She runs out the door at the same time my doctor came in with my nurses.

"Ashley, it seems like you have spiked and are nearly ready for that baby to come along." The doctor smiled. She pulled on her gloves and mask and grabbed her tools. "Are we ready everyone?"

The next hour went by like it was a whole day. It was slow and hazy. I only remembered the pain and the words 'push'. I remember TJ was on my left and Mom was on my right, both squeezing my hands as I screamed in pain, pushing my baby out of me. I was so sweaty and tired and I almost gave up, but a set of words reached me in all of the chaos.

"You can do this Spinelli, I believe in you." It was Nick, sitting in a chair next to TJ.

So I pushed harder until the pain eased and only one sound was heard, the crying of my baby Charlie.

"It's a boy. Congrats Miss Spinelli," The doctor showed me his face and I fell in love. Tears filled my eyes and my nose stung. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. "Would you like to cut the cord?" She turned to TJ while another nurse handed him the shears.

TJ uncomfortably approached the cord and cut. "It's spongy." Was all he could say. We all had a small laugh. The doctor handed Charlie to the nurse.

"I'm going to go clean him up real quick," She walked away.

"I did it. I did-" Suddenly, pain hit again. Was it normal to have more contractions after birth?

"Ashley? What's wrong?" The doctor stood up and looked at me. She sat back down and looked at the mess under my gown. "I... don't believe it."

"What? What's going on?" My mom asked frantically.

"We're not quite done here,"

"What do you mean?" I screamed in pain.

"We got ourselves a stowaway." The doctor said. "Ashley, I'm going to have to ask you to push again, real hard. This one has already crowned and is ready to get out of here."

"Another one?" We all screamed.

"Yes, now push!" And I did, as hard as I could. Within seconds, another cry filled the room.

"This one's a girl." The doctor said, holding up another baby that I managed to tuck away inside me somehow.

"My turn!" My mother leaped out of her chair and grabbed the shears. She cut the cord and the baby was taken away to be cleaned.

Twins.

I just had twins.

"Mom?" I whimpered, exhausted. "What do I do with twins?"

Mom grabbed my hand and squeezed. "You love them equally. That's what you do." And with that she kissed my forehead.

I looked over at TJ who was dramatically crying.

"I love you TJ, I'm so glad you're here." I whispered.

TJ kissed my hand and gave me a smile.

I looked over at Nick who gave me a smirk.

"And you, thank you for being there for me."

"You're welcome kiddo."

"Now Ashley, you had some tearing, which is normal. I just need to stitch you up and then we can relax. You won't even feel this."

And she was right. I didn't feel the four stitches she had to put in me. The nurse came back with the two babies, tagged and weighed.

"Here you are," She hands me both of them, Charlie in blue and Gretchen in pink. I never wanted to let these two leave my arms. Ever.


	18. This is Not the End

_**My dear readers, this is the last chapter of this story. I've gone through and edited some chapters, some typing errors and whatnot's. If you enjoyed this story, please tell a friend, write a review, or beg for more. Haha! Any how, I wanted to thank my usual readers, you know who you are, for sticking with me and giving me the feed back that I needed to continue this story. You guys have been great. But this is not good-bye. This is not the last you'll hear of Rylie. I will perfect my writing as time goes on, and I will write more. I may even bring in an old story I wrote back in middle school (2003-2005). Of course it wont be the exact story, but perfected with my expanded vocabulary.**_

_**Any how, I just wanted to brace you guys for this being the last chapter. Follow me as an author and you will get the updates on my new story. Also, if you wanted to see me in action with my photography and you have an instagram, my user name is RYLIEKINS (that will never change so I'll be easy to find, maybe)**_

_**I love you guys. Until next time...**_

* * *

><p>The sunlight spilled through the window as the sun rose in the cold winter sky. Non-migrative birds chirps in the naked trees. The body under the pile of blankets stirred, her internal alarm clock going off.<p>

_It's Saturday... _She thought to herself. She sat up and sighed, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. But it wasn't just any normal Saturday. Today was the reunion of some very important events. She threw her legs over the edge of the king size bed and rested her bare feet on the bear rug. She yawned and looked at the clock next to her side of the bed. 7:26 am December 12th 2014.

"Jeez, I need to start breakfast," The woman mumbled to herself. She stood up and snatched her robe off the back of the master bathroom door and put it on. She then slid on some warm slippers and made her way out the bedroom. She peaked around the corner at the other doors down the hall. One door had all kinds of finger painted art work on it, glitter included. The other had posters of race cars and air planes. She smirked at their individuality.

_Such smart babies. _She thought, tip-toeing down the stairs into the living room. No lights were needed to be turned on for the sun shined so bright, she could see where she was going, after all, she loved this house for the wide open windows.

In the kitchen a man stood over the stove, flipping pancakes.

"Good morning," The woman said, wrapping her arms around the tall, skinny man.

He put the spatula down and turned to face her. His bright green eyes sparkled when he smiled down at her.

"Good morning beautiful." He bent down, planting a kiss on her lips.

"How are the cakes?"

"I got one done last night after they went to bed. The other is in the oven. When you take them to the zoo, I'll decorate them." Hey said, turning back to the stove.

"You're amazing,"

"I know,"

The woman punched her other half in the arm and laughed.

"I-" She was cut off by the sound of a cry. I baby's cry.

"Evalynne. I'll be right back." The woman said, walking out of the kitchen and back up the stairs. In the fourth room of the hallway was a small room, the baby room. Inside was a small crib with a small child in it. The little girl, Evalynne, was no more than two years old. The hair on her head was a bright burning orange, just like her fathers, and her eyes a crystal blue, like her mothers.

"Sweet baby girl, Mama's here," The woman cooed, picking up her daughter. "We have a big day today."

Evalynne smiled, hugging her mother.

"Let's change your diaper and get you down stairs."

After the child's diaper was changed, the woman chose the perfect outfit for the child. Once she was dressed, the woman picked Evalynne up and walked into the hall. A creak came from behind her and she turned, seeing two sets of eyes peer out from around the corners of their door.

"Well, you two are up a bit early," She laughed. The two eyes gleamed with joy. They ran into the hall and embraced their mother with a hug. "Come on you two, we nearly have breakfast ready." The twins squealed with excitement and ran down the stairs, the woman following their trail.

"Nick, will you serve the twins their breakfast, they're just too excited to do anything else." The woman laughed

"Sure thing Ashley," Nick flipped a pancake onto a plate and placed it on the counter. He did the same to another place, drizzled syrup on both of them, sliced them up into small bits and presented the twins their breakfast. Ashley sat across from the twins, feeding Evalynne her own pancake without syrup.

"Mommy! Dad makes such good pancakes!" The girl exclaimed.

"Mommy! Gretchen took my fork!" The complained.

"Nuh uh! Charlie is lying!" Gretchen cried.

"Now stop it, both of you. I'm sure you know what today is?" Nick stepped into the dining room with the rest of the pancakes.

"We sure do!" Charlie smiled.

"So behave." Ashley warmed.

"Yes mommy," The twins said in unison.

A knock on the door made the five of them perk up.

"I wonder who that could be?" Ashley asked.

She walked to the front door and opened it. Standing in front of her were two men, one tall with short brown hair and a childish grin. The other was tan with black hair and a shy smile.

"TJ, Russell, it's good to you two, come in. You're just in time for breakfast." Ashley invited the couple in.

"Daddy!" The twins shouted, racing into TJ's arms.

"Hey you two! Happy birthday!" He picked the two up and carried them back to the dining room.

"It's good to see you again Russell, really." Ashley said, turning to the thin man.

"Yeah, you too."

"He looks happy," She said, staring at TJ.

"He is, we are, I mean." Russell cleared his throat.

"You don't need to be uncomfortable around me, please, have some breakfast,"

"Thanks." Russell nodded and walked towards the dining table.

Ashley stood there for a moment and gazed at the sight. It was like an early Christmas present, having the people she loved all together under one roof. She thought back to the early days, when she found out she was pregnant, when her and TJ planned to get married, when she met Nick Riley, when TJ confessed he was gay. It all happened so quickly in a short period of time. And yet, look at where she is now. Three babies, all with loving fathers, a loving husband, and a roof over her head. Nothing would spoil this life. Nothing at all.


End file.
